Be sincere to yourself, there are certain things you look back at and say to yourself, “that was a really dumb thing to do o, or say o” right???

Well, we want to talk about some of the dumb things girls do so that we’ll know better to avoid them, as smart ladies that we are 😌😉

1️⃣
Falling in love with man first before falling in love with God. 😒😒

Your relationship with God should be the determinant factor for every relationship.
Don’t just seek what God can offer, seek God for His very being.

When you have a solid relationship with God, no matter how painful a heartbreak might be, you’d be able to bounce back on your feet.

Remember, the Holy Spirit is the Comforter, He knows how to soothe your pains and heal your heart.

No person or (man) can hold you to ransom when you have God on your side. 👌🏻👌🏻

2️⃣
Staying in the house of a man that has not married you. 🙄🙄

It is the highest disrespect on yourself and men respect you when you respect yourself.

You don’t have house? You don’t have female friends that have house? You don’t have family or relatives that have house??? 🤷🤷

There’s something called “see finish”, this happens when you both have already gotten used to the things that should’ve been preserved for marriage to the extent there’s nothing to look forward to again. Avoid it.

3️⃣
Disobeying God’s word because of your relationship.
Example, sexual immorality.

Because of one young man, you disobey the God that kept you when the man was not there.

If someone promise you marriage, promise him sex. 🤷‍♀️🙄
Don’t give him something tangible when he has only promised something abstract.👌🏻👌🏻

4️⃣
Exchanging naked pictures with guys they want to marry. 🙄🙄
I mean like seriously???🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️
I consider this one of the dumbest of all🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

When a young man tells you to send your nudes, just know he’s a useless person.
Tell him he needs help and run for your life. 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

This is how many ladies have had their trust broken, pictures leaked when things go sour in the relationship.
Don’t do that to yourself, you deserve more.

5️⃣
Fighting your family members because of your relationship.

If a young man is not accepted by your family, there are three things to do:

i. Tell him he has work to do to win them over, to earn your parent’s love and acceptance

ii. You have work to do. Keep talking to your parents about him.

iii. You both have to pray about it.

Like it or not, you need your parents blessing.

Don’t follow this new generation message of “it doesn’t matter… follow your heart, bla bla bla” 😏😏

6️⃣
Dating a man who abuses his mother and has no regard for his sisters.

This is simply a prophecy of how he will treat you tomorrow.

If he’s really nice, it shouldn’t be to only you.

You have to observe how he treats people especially other women, does he regard/respect them or not?

7️⃣
Using pregnancy to trap a man
Ladies c’monnnn!! This is like the dumbest of the dumbest! 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I don’t really even understand how this works like, it’s your body that goes through all the changes, morning sickness, swollen feet, pregnancy-out-of-wedlock embarrassment and all what nots, just to keep a man??? 🤨🤨😒😒😒

Besides, most radical, violent, stubborn children were born out of wedlock.
Why bring in an innocent child to suffer and to join the issues you already have with the man?

8️⃣
Spending money on a man you’re not married to.

I’m just looking at you like…🌝🌝
This one can be very dicey but it’s important to have a balanced view on this issue.

First things first, anybody who has nothing doing should not be engaged to you.

It’s not bad to lend a helping hand once in a while, I mean this is someone you love and want to build a life together with right???

But when he’s not even making any effort to gain financial independence, 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ hmmmm… better think again.

When you spend on a man you get him angered and you get him lazy.

If you’re so rich, channel your money to the kingdom. Become a kingdom financier. 👌🏻👌🏻

What I’m trying to say is spending on a guy you’re not married to over and over again is not advisable.
While it’s not wrong to lend a helping hand once in a while, any guy that wants to be financially dependent on you is not a good choice
We should note that what you see in courtship is what will continue to play out in marriage.
Question: Is it also wrong to buy him gifts especially when he also spends on you?
Answer 1: Its not wrong to buy a guy gift
Answer 2: Buying gifts is not the same as a guy being financially dependent on you…
You also have to make sure what’s keeping him with you is not the gifts you’re buying too… some guys are just😅

🌺”See the thing is most times we do things and expect a return ,do things because you want to help and you are human, I know it is annoying but that shouldn’t stop u from lending hand
P.s let it be balanced”

🌺My own challenge is, I’m in a so-called relationship with this guy. Uncle borrowed money since last year to settle some things. Till now, uncle has not refunded. I’ve tried different ways to make him payback, he keeps saying he doesn’t have the money yet.

What do I do with this fellow?

🌺Sincerely what I think is, if you feel the relationship is worth keeping, let it go. But he must know that you’re not happy with how the whole lending and borrowing thing played out. And that it’d affect your decision of being of any financial assistance to him next time.

9️⃣
Dressing half naked to attract men. 😒😒
By now, y’all should know that this is a complete no-no for me🙅
Any lady who naturally likes what is revealing is considered loose because if you’re advertising you must be selling.
You can still look fashionable and beautiful in modest wear… you don’t have to expose your body.

The responsible, godly men out there know what they’re looking for and trust me it’s not your exposed thighs, boobs and cleavages.
Cover up girl! 😉😄

1️⃣0️⃣
Dating a cultist. 😑😑
Anyone who dates a cultist is a cultist.

Any man who is a cultist has the capacity to keep major secrets.
He can bury you and keep it a secret. 😬

1️⃣1️⃣
Dating and staying with a man that beats you.
Hmmmmm… this is for those who don’t like their lives.🌝🌝
About a week ago I posted a video here about a guy beating his girlfriend and there were so many reactions both here and on my personal chats too.

Contributions:
🌺”This is one of the reasons why I want to make serious money.
I’ll just be buying case that’s not my own and be dealing with offenders anyhow 🤦🏽‍♀😂”

🌺I think some of them unknowingly go into it and still have good intentions…but still… don’t date a cultist biko

Stop making excuses for him. Any man that respects you will not lay his hands on you. I know you love him and you think he’s going to change but you can do that from afar sis.

1️⃣2️⃣
Staying with a man who has too many women in his life. 😒🤦

Some people have turned to lion because of man, wigs and bras in the air… because they’re fighting for man💔🤦‍♀️

While we may have different scenarios that I can’t thoroughly or adequately explain here…What’s important is that if it ever gets to you having to fight, please don’t

Fighting with a lady because of a man shows you have no respect for yourself, womanhood or sisterhood.

It’s degrading, really

1️⃣3️⃣
Falling in love too fast.
You don’t even know his last name but you’re already in love. 🌝🌝
Some call it “love at first sight”. But in this case, love has been confused for attraction.
You can meet someone for the first time and you’re so into the person, you guys just vibe… There’s this visible attraction between you both and you’re already daydreaming about the wedding and how your kids will look like😅😅

Attraction is not the end but the means to an end…
It makes you want to know the person more…then you begin to find out things that are actually not so cool…how they eat, how they’re dirty and nice stuffs too😅

After all these discoveries, if you still choose to stay, to commit to that person, then we can now start talking about love
True love is earned.
You don’t love who you don’t know, it’s just lust.

Don’t make yourself too available to someone you just met.
Some ladies meet a guy for the first time and they’re just all over likeeee🤦‍♀️🙄🙄🙄
At least, form small na😂😂

Even in the movies, you realize the cute guy usually drifts to that girl that’s not all over him like the other girls.

1️⃣4️⃣
Being a slave to a man who has not married you. 🙄🙄

Stop cooking, washing, cleaning for who has not paid your bride price.

You are not his cook or laundry woman.
If he gives the excuse of wanting to know if you can do all these things, tell him to come check your house.🙄
Yes you can and you can even help do the dishes when you’re done eating…
But being his regular cook and washerwoman is what I don’t think is appropriate. What will you now do in marriage? 🤷‍♀️

Why is he piling up dirty stuff in his house?
Anyways, it all depends on individual choice. What you can tolerate and what you can live with.
In general, reserve some things that you both would look forward to in marriage
Contributions:
🌺Dear the thing is don’t always do it all the time, it’s not bad you leave it like that or reduce the time u decide to stay or better still go BK, if u keep doing them he would keep piling them
🌺If u weren’t coming how would he have cleaned the room
🌺A guy that respect u would try clean his room because his babe is coming

1️⃣5️⃣
Loving a man and hating his family.

In fact if a man has issues with his family, you coming into his life should make them reconcile.

Let the parents see you as a connecting factor.
Stop praying for his mother to die, you’ll have a son one day.

Don’t hate them, pray for them instead, try to win them over.

1️⃣6️⃣
Marrying old men. 🌝🌝
The highest age gap between you two should be like probably ten years.
Adam was first created before Eve.

Marrying a man also way younger has its issues too, not saying it’s wrong but you should be able to work your way through it, cause there’ll be a generational gap.

There are certain things you should consider too:

💮His family might see you as a gold digger.

💮The old man will die on your neck.

💮How come he became old without a wife?

💮If he’s a widower, what is the mystery surrounding the wife’s death? 🤷‍♀️
Let him marry a widow too, not you.

1️⃣7️⃣
Leaving a church because of wedding issues.

If he doesn’t want to go through the necessary process, let him go.

Do the necessary tests, go for premaritals.

Contributions:
🌺Two of you should of course be christians…in the period of courtship things like what church you’d do the wedding in, attend thereafter should be discussed. I understand even parents sometimes have a say in this too.
🌺Hmmm… there’s no rigid law to this.
You can decide to do the wedding in the woman’s church or the man’s church…there are different unique factors to be considered here. That’d why I said you both have to be in agreement
🌺I’ve seen where it was held in the woman’s church after which she started attending the man’s church
🌺There is no rule guiding marriage in church, it’s left for u two to discuss .
P.S: it’s not a dumb thing getting married in ur husband church.this is for when u are still dating and not sure if future
🌺This I feel is Basically what no 17 is talking about, transparency to higher authority and u as a lady don’t just let thing slide without discussing
🌺 Stating this I think it’s also important to note that in a marriage there are 3 ropes ; God ,the man and the woman
Sometimes pray about your own issues let God speak to you and your spouse. You don’t have to always drag people into it but when it’s necessary and you see that you need a more experienced elder then cool

1️⃣8️⃣
Struggling to win a man’s love who you know doesn’t love you. ☹️☹️

If you’ve killed the love by your character, made mistakes or the love is not there naturally…
Sis take a walk.
It might be painful, I know.
But it’s better than having to beg for crumbs of affection from somebody.

Take out time, cry very well, lick ice cream and move on

Most ladies are trapped by people who are not blunt.
Refuse to fall into that trap. Jump and pass it 😂

1️⃣9️⃣
Agreeing to be side chick 😒☹️
Contributions:
🌺This was where I found myself sometime ago o hmmm
And I was miserable I kid you not. I didn’t immediately know that I was side chick and when I did find out, it was kinda hard to back out so…
I fooled myself into believing we could work something out eventually…🤦‍♀️
Sisters and brethren, I saw wínnn🌝
The emotional torture, draining and all what nots…
Hmmmm…it wasn’t funny especially having to play dead when main chic calls🤣🤣🤣
The worst part was that I’d now start feeling guilty if I started demanding for more attention😩
Thankfully the other lady never found out before I received sense and took a walk. It’d have been so messy cause wetin I wan even talk, I’m the one at fault here🤦‍♀️
Contributions:
🌺Hmmmm…I think this is something you guys should pray about o. The Bible tells us that the heart of a king is in God’s hands, He can turn whichever way he wants.
🌺As for me, let’s just say I had a wake up call. You know how you just meet one of your mentors or the sermon in church, and your brain just snaps into place…😅
I received sense, told him, “bro, I deserve more than playing second fiddle”
Funny thing was he even pleaded o but naaaahhh, I was done. I took a walk.
Had to calm down and cry for myself very well, then took time healing

You deserve to be number one in your man’s life.

You deserve more please, don’t be so desperate that you settle for second place.
And don’t be the reason he’s cheating on his partner.
God will give you your own. Just believe.

2️⃣0️⃣
Waiting for a man to come and give them a life.

For some ladies, their aim in life is to marry some rich successful guy, have kids and that’s it.

This is not bad in itself, but you really think God created you, put so much potential in you for just that??? 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️
Please there’s more to you than marriage.

💮Have you discovered your purpose in life?

💮What problem were you created to solve?

💮What group of people were you created to influence?

Someone said that the single season is not just a season of waiting but of doing.

Do all that you can do while you still got time on your hands cause very soon…the demands on you as a wife and as a mother will start coming in.
So there you have it ladies.
Feel free to add to the list too…👌🏻

It’s been a wonderful time these past three nights and I’ve learnt so much too from our stories, thoughts, contributions.
Thank you all so much for coming out, for responding and for engaging…
The team is very grateful🙏🏻🙌🏻
We’ve officially come to the end of this session sisters. But please this does not by any means stop the gist and questions from coming in!

© SisterSisterMovement
_Raising a Generation of Godly Women_