SSM Webinar February Edition

LOVE PEARLS

15th February 2020
Speaker: Miss Gladys Okorocha

Tonight we have before us 3 KEY POINTS

• Understanding the Essence of Love in a Relationship.

• The secrets to a healthy love life

• Is Love really blind?

1. *Understanding the Essence of Love in a Relationship.*
Imagine a relationship without love, it’s like building a house without cement.
How possible is that?

Love is the energy of life. It is what motivates people to get up each day and keep going.
Love is the foundation of any relationship. Love is a choice, it is beyond emotions, feelings, etc. Feelings are temporary decomposition we have towards someone, it can fade away. When one is in love with a person, it simply means you love everything about that person.

A relationship is composed of many things: friendship, sexual attraction, intellectual compatibility, and, of course, love. Love is the glue that keeps a relationship strong and solid.

A loving relationship is not built in a day. The threads of love take time to weave together to form a strong bond. It is only as you and your partner share your thoughts, fears, dreams and hopes that love takes root. So trust the process and don’t rush love. It has its own timetable that needs to be respected and not hurried.

Let’s go into the scripture

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Ephesians 5:28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
25-28{The Message Translation} Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.

The scriptures above tells us how important love is between a man and a woman. When there is no love in a relationship, it’s no longer a relationship but a ship leading to hell!

*The reason is that, both parties will definitely end up in divorce or daily draining of emotions. You can’t give out what you don’t have, if you don’t have love, you can’t give it out. As air is important to human, love is in a relationship.*

When we love someone, we are willing to compromise in order to accommodate their needs or desires. But we don’t sacrifice our own self in doing this, nor should the other person require us to sacrifice our own self for their personal gain. That’s not love; that’s control and abuse.

Love is the highest form of maturity. It often requires a selfless sacrifice. And if we aren’t willing to make some sort of sacrifice on our part in a relationship, we probably don’t love the other person at all.

The kind of love people can give in and of themselves is so limited. It gives back in response to what someone has done (often out of a sense of obligation) and it is often used to manipulate others to gain control of them.

It’s only when both partners understand love, they can truly love themselves. Remove God from the equation it’s no longer relationship but strangership ( permit me to use the word).
Now we can see the essence of love in a relationship.
*Love is the foundation of any relationship*

*2. The secrets to a healthy love life*
For one to have a healthy love life, you must understand the basics of love. Love is:

1. Love is sacrifice:
*Question*

Have you ever been in a relationship and it seems the love is one sided? How do you feel??

A love that is sacrificial is patient, forgiving and apologetic. True love practices forgiveness freely and often. A man who loves sacrificially is a man who gives up something he considers valuable for your sake. He/she inconveniences himself/herself just to see that smile on your face.

If there is no sacrifice, my dear ladies, there is no love oooo
*Let me share a story*

There was a lady whose past was very dirty. It happened that the guy she wanted to get married to, she already had something to do with the dad. She opened up to him few days to their wedding and the guy was hurt by it, but still looked into the eyes of this lady and said “nothing is going to change my love for you, you are walking to the altar and when you get there, you gonna see me right there waiting for you”

*Back to the topic*

It takes a guy or a lady who loves sacrificially to love that same way.
Don’t forget this, a man who loves you, no matter what goes wrong, his choice never change!
Love never sees mistakes

*The Beauty of Sacrificial Love*

When it comes to marriage, you must have God’s love in your heart in order to truly love your spouse. When you do, you’ll always have his/her best interest in mind and desire to serve and support them. You’ll focus more on what you can do for your spouse than striving to make sure you get your way all the time.

Sacrifice is not always fun or easy, but when it’s motivated by godly love, it always brings greater peace and joy to your soul. It is a powerful investment in your marriage that will reap great rewards because God will work in both of your lives in amazing ways as you trust and obey Him.

I want to encourage you to give your heart and your marriage to God completely. Trust Him to give you the grace to love your spouse as He loves you. The blessings that will come as you diligently submit and sacrifice as God leads you to do so will far outweigh the growing pains you experience in the process!

*2. Love is commitment:*

When a man is committed to you, he is willing to give his time in the relationship, he doesn’t see the calls as a waste of time but cherish every single moment you both share. Commitment has to do with being focused, the staying power because he believe so much in the relationship.

*When a man is committed, he makes times for you*, he doesn’t come up with excuses, he doesn’t mind giving up his habit in order not to loose you! He gives in so much just to know more about you. You don’t need to tell him you aren’t happy, he already understand the tone of your voice without seeing you, he already has a video of you in his head.

He knows your likes and unlike even without you telling him, the reason is that he has given his time for you to learn all about you without your knowledge.

I quote, *Any relationship where both parties or one party is not committed is a movie not a relationship. You just acting.*

*Question time*

When you have given so much in a relationship, do you think it is easy to walk away? It wouldn’t be easy to walk away.

That’s commitment!!! Any man who deserves you won’t easily walk away or want to ever quit because he is so committed. Love is understanding VALUE. Value is when he never belittles you even in the heat of an argument, it takes a man who loves you not to call you names in the heat of an argument cause he knows you can’t be compared to trash. He is still gentle with you.

When a man values you, his choice never change!

3. *Understanding Honor*

True honor is mutual not just for a party but both parties.

1 Samuel 2:30 “Therefore, the Lord, the God of Israel, says: The terrible things you are doing cannot continue! I had promised that your branch of the tribe of Levi would always be my priests. But I will honor only those who honor me, and I will despise those who despise me.

Therefore, honor is reciprocated.

What is honor? Honor [n.]: That which rightfully attracts esteem, respect, or consideration; self-respect; dignity; courage; fidelity; especially, excellence of character; high moral worth; virtue; uprightness; trustworthiness; in women, purity; chastity.

A man who honor you, will never stop loving you because he recognizes your value and do not take it for granted. Not only you but with a beggar on the street, he takes no one for granted. He understands respect, courtesy, manner….he protects his purity and of yours. He is honest and nothing less. A man who understands honor will not pretend to be someone he is not. He wants you to take him for who he is. His attitude towards you will determine if he understands honor.

*I want to go deeper now*

1 Peter 3:7 In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat her with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. If you don’t treat her as you should, your prayers will not be heard. (New Living Translation)

1 Peter 3:7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. NIV

1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. KJV

What God is saying is this – Men I want you to recognize that your wife is not as strong as you, both emotionally and physically. You need to be considerate of those qualities, and appreciate those qualities for the many ways they help her to be a good wife and mother. Don’t belittle her for being weaker or more fragile than you, but instead honor her position as your wife and the mother of your children.

How can he love you when he hasn’t loved himself? Impossicant if the word exist.

Galatians 5:14 For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

A man who loves himself loves people around him. A man who can’t live with himself will have a hard time to live with you. You will always see him nagging, angry, hating, envying…. Etc

4. *RESPECT EACH OTHER’S INDIVIDUALITY*

While shared values and common ground are vitally important to a healthy dating relationship, so is your individuality. You came into this relationship as two individuals with your own interests and personalities. Dating and forming a lasting bond doesn’t mean either of you should shed your unique identity.

If you’re not secure in who you are, your identity will morph from one dating relationship to the next.

Show yourself and your date the courtesy of being yourselves and accepting one another as you are–because if both of you don’t know and accept who you are now, your relationship will suffer later.

5. Learn to listen

6. *Love yourself* : Being comfortable with who you are means you’ll be a happier partner.

7. *Communicate:*

Talk to your partner about your feelings. Ask questions and listen to their answers. If you’re upset, say so, don’t make your partner try to figure out what’s up. Talking through problems builds trust and makes your relationship stronger. And it’s not all about how to deal with your problems — don’t forget to let them know when something they do makes you happy.

8. *Respect and kindness:*

When we love, we act respectfully and kindly towards each other. We do not intentionally hurt or denigrate our partner. When we talk about them in their absence, it is with such warmth that the listeners can hear the love in our words. We do not criticize our partner behind their backs.

9. *Be honest:*

Be truthful with each other about what you do, think, and feel. Honesty creates trust. Few things harm a relationship more than lies.

10. *Give each other some space:*

Couple’s time is great, but spending ALL your time together isn’t. It’s healthy to have your own friends and interests outside of the relationship.

11. *Agree to disagree:*

You’re not always going to see eye to eye, and that’s OK. The important thing is to respect each other’s opinions and ideas.

12. *Forgive and ask for forgiveness:*

Everybody makes mistakes. Be willing to apologize for yours and accept your partner’s apologies. Support each other. When your partner does something great, tell them!
*When you put the above mentioned into consideration, you will have a healthy love life.*
3. Is Love really blind?

Yes, it is blind.
Love is blind when you love too fast.

Don’t fall in love too fast, nothing good in our lives comes from falling, when you fall in love too fast, you think you know their dreams, but you just know their plans. You think you know their heart but you just know their mind. You think you know their past, but you just know their parts. Let the right person show you they are the right person.
Don’t just give away your trust, let someone earn it.

You don’t just find a huge tree with beautiful fruits and beautiful flowers overnight, it takes time. No matter how you water it, it takes time. No matter how much sunlight you give it, it takes time. Neither can a relationship, it takes time. Also don’t make someone fall in love with you if you don’t know how to love them, because they won’t end up questioning you, they will end up questioning love. Love is a beautiful thing, you only chose to make it blind yourself, love can see but chose to tolerate ones excesses.

When you noticed something about your partner but chose to accommodate. Love is all about accommodating each others flaws, commitment, sacrifice, etc
Our feelings of love are unconditional at the point we express them. Love is said to be blind when we don’t care how the other person looks.
*”Love is blind and marriage is the institution for the blind.” James Graham* .
Love is seeing the differences in others not as flaws but as uniqueness. Realizing that what you may see as a flaw, someone else may see as a redeeming quality.

If love is not blind, how come young and pretty ladies got married to a man already with three wives?

If love is not blind, how come a beautiful girl going out with a notorious criminal?

If love is not blind, how come will a young handsome man chasing a prostitute and proposing marriage?

If love is not blind, how come will a young guy spent so much for a lady that belongs to someone else and believing she may change her mind one day?

If love is not blind, how far will you be able to cope with an unfaithful lady/guy in the name of I still love or whatever?

If you say love is blind, why do you quit your relationship or why are hearts are being broken every day.

The reason is you could now see the flaws🤭
*Taking off your eyes from your man/woman for wrong doing could be because love has no eyes*

Love is blind also explains why we take so long to finally see the flaws in those we idealise because of our love, and which means we can end up choosing the wrong person to commit to.

The flaws of blindness of love only become apparent after our initial ardour has cooled, allowing previously suppressed brain areas to awaken to the reality of who we find ourselves with the morning after.

According to the four types of love we all come to know (Storge – Affection, Philia – Friendship, Eros – Romance & Agape – Unconditional Love), Agape kind of love is not blind it can never be blinded, philia too is not blind kind of love though it can be fool. But Eros type of love can be regarded as a blind love so also is Storge.

My conclusion here is that Love is actually not blind! But can be blind when we choose not to see our partners flaw.

One can remove God in a relationship:
1. Not acknowledging God first in your relationship, that he is the author. Running to man for opinions instead of seeking Him first.
2. When you don’t understand the concept of relationship.
God
👇🏾
Man
👇🏾
Woman

3. Going against the rules of Godly relationship
1 Peter 3:7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. NIV

1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. KJV
When this isn’t practiced or not followed, then you have gone against the creator’s rules about relationship.

Love at first sight isn’t love but infatuation except you have a deep conviction from God.

My dear, arguing with him isn’t maturity in relationship. As a woman, we learn submission. Am not saying you should act foolish all the time but take it to God in prayer.

Don’t forget to share your burdens too, love is not blind and its a choice, we should choose to love despite of .
Don’t forget to have an accountability partner who you can confide the secrets of your relationship to, that’s one of the reasons this platform was created for.
#SSM keep loving

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Raising a Generation of Godly Women

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